Wakes of other faiths

I attended the wake of my ex-colleague’s father later night. That was a Christian ceremony, and it was the second such ceremony in the past 1 year. 15 years ago I would have reservations attending a wake that is non Buddhist or non Taoist. But nowadays I focus more on the need to express my condolence rather than the kind of ceremony organized. I do not mind singing the hymns, reciting the prayers and participating in other ways in the Christian ceremony.
Interestingly despite the difference in expressions in the different ceremonies, some things stay the same. Last night, the Christian Reverend too expressed the need to embrace death. He said, "Death is for sure" and he went on validating this fact in many ways. This is so similar to Buddhist beliefs -- the four sights of old age, sickness, death and renunciation. Prince Siddhartha was very surprised that people knew about death and took no notice of it, as mentioned in the story:
"It was a sight that left the prince puzzled. Again he turned to Chandaka for an answer, "Those men, Chandaka, what are they doing? Why is that man lying on the plank so stiff and unmoving?"
"That man cannot move. He cannot speak, nor cry, nor breathe. He is dead."
"Is this death? Can it also happen to everyone?" asked the very perplexed prince.
"Yes, my lord, everyone must die one day. We will die too!" replied Chandaka.
Prince Siddhartha was surprised, confused, and sad. He had never known that death could happen to everyone. "Can we stop death?" asked the prince.
"No," was the reply from Chandaka.
"This is the end for all men, and yet people are not afraid and take no notice of death!" exclaimed the prince."

The nice things about Christian wake ceremony over that of the traditional Buddhist are 2:
1) The Reverend gets to give a speech.
I think this is very helpful for the grieving family. Many people turn to religion for refuge when there is death in the family. Therefore this is the best time to show the grieving family how they can receive spiritual support from their religion.
In Buddhist terms, the speech would have generated good karma for the deceased as well, perhaps leading to better rebirth. The speech would bring the good karma of peace and healing for the grieving family.

2) The family gets to give a speech about the deceased.
This is a good time for the family to brief once and for all the detail of events leading to the deceased's death. It is also a good time to sing the praise of the good deeds of the deceased, so that everyone can remember the deceased in good memories. It establishes and then closes the life story of the deceased properly allowing the family to move on.

When I was in US, there were joint Buddhist and Christian wakes as well. In the one that I attended, there were both religions in the same wake because the children of the deceased were Buddhists while most of the relatives were Catholics. Hence it was carried out in a church but with reverends of both religions present and they both gave a short speech. The family member spoke fondly of the deceased as well. There were Catholic hymns singing and there was Buddhist recitation of the Heart Sutra. Everyone was open minded and participated fully. The event was peaceful and serene. Both religions jointly gave a lot of spiritual support to the grieving family. It was wonderful when religions worked together.

I think as Buddhists, there is no need to shun the Christian wake ceremony. We should share our spiritual support as much as possible and help in the healing.
May all grieving families find peace and healing. May they all be well and happy.

With Metta,
Lee Hon Sing
October 1, 2008